It's My Clan!
by ChoiSeungHyun110487TOP
Summary: Itachi returns to Konoha and apologizes. “And pray tell, why is it your clan?” Sasuke kicks Itachi out of the Uchiha Clan! OOC-ness. Crackfic.


Asumi (me): time for the disclaimer!

Sakura: What the hell do you want me to do?

Asumi: Do the disclaimer.

Sakura: Asumi-chan does not own Naruto. Masashi Kishimoto-sama does. Okay. Is that all?

Asumi: And get over Sasuke. Broadcast it.

Sakura: I'm officially over Sasuke. Wait-what?

* * *

Sasuke looked from his brother, to his sensei, to his best friend and to his fiancee.

_I will not __Chidori those bastards - meaning Naruto, Kakashi and Itachi - into the next century. I will not. Get a grip, idiot!_

"What the fuck is he doing here? And why the hell aren't you killing him?" Sasuke pointed menacingly at Itachi.

Naruto stepped between a very angry Sasuke and a stoic Itachi. "Sasuke, err, your brother...apologized."

Sasuke's jaw dropped to his knees. He pushed Naruto out of the way. "No. You did not just say that. Puh-lease. Konohamaru can use better words than that. And another thing, he apoplogized?" Sasuke looked scornfully at his brother and poked his chest. "You, Itachi Uchiha, are a disgrace to our - _my_ clan."

Itachi raised an eyebrow. "_Your_ clan?"

Sasuke slapped his forehead. "You left the responsibility of repopulating the clan to me, didn't you?"

"Yes. Yes, I did. And pray tell, why is it _your_ clan?"

Sasuke smirked. "Are you really that slow? I'm kicking you out of it, idiot."

"Is that even legal?"

"As a matter of fact, it is! What kind of sick fantasy world are you in?"

"Come on, Sasuke. I apologized already."

"You apologized!? And that makes everything okay? You killed _my_ family! Does your apology make them come back!? No! And even if you didn't kill them, you became a missing nin, joined a group of criminals, periodically trying to kidnap Naruto for reason I don't know because I never thought to ask, but that's beside the point!" He turned to Naruto and Kakashi. "He's a dangerous sadistic clan-murderer, and you guys are going to let him come back into Konoha, with virtually no punishment, asking me not to kick his sorry ass into next week and you're doing all this because he _apologized!?_ Where's the proof he's even turned good? Are you just going to trust his word?"

Kakashi looked fron Naruto to Sasuke. "Uh, yeah."

Itachi stepped to Sasuke. "Sasuke, I volunteered at the soup kitchen."

A vein popped in Sasuke's head. "What does that have to do with _a__nything_?"

Itachi looked very sure of himself. "You can only be a good guy if you work at the soup kitchen."

Sasuke screamed. "Next you'll be telling me Orochimaru's started an orphanage and is helping needy children across the world." He mocked.

Itachi shook his head. "Foolish little brother. Everyone knows that Orochimaru is a bad guy with no chance of redemption. Duh. I know this must be hard on you. I'm not going to try to kidnap your best friend and I really have changed my ways. I can only hope that you can accept me into your heart as you once did."

Sasuke pointed to Itachi, then to Kakashi and to Naruto. "You're insane. You are. Every one of you. And I never accepted you into my heart! I hated you ever since Madara was born!"

"Dude, you weren't alive yet. Neither was I!"

"So what? That was just a figure of speech. You are so dumb! What the hell did you do in Akatsuki?"

"Killed people, went on missions, tried to kill this guy periodically, got annoyed by Tobi, and wore purple nailpolish. That reminds me! I have to buy some more, since I'm all out."

"That Tobi guy is a maniac. He's insane. How the fuck did you let him there? And why are you wearing purple nailpolish?"

"You see Sasuke, all of us wear nailpolish in different colors."

"WHAT?! That group of yours should be called Akatsu-gay! I bet they help gay people who killed their clans or got rejected by their families!"

"Uh, no. Not all of us are gay. Tobi's the only one who's gay."

"No, no, no! Yeah, Tobi's gay. Deidara's gay too, 'cause he looks like a chick. Pein is, too. Come on, what kind of guy wears earrings and has ridiculous piercings on his nose? Maybe he even pierced his penis! And don't even get me started on that Hidan guy."

Sakura giggled, Naruto and Kakashi had their noses bleeding, and Itachi held back his laughter. "No, he didn't pierce his penis."

"How could you tell? Did you see?" Sasuke mocked.

"N-no." Itachi was for once at a loss for words.

"Well, whatever. It's still _my_ clan. And I'm not letting you in the compound."

"Just get over it, teme, and forgive your brother." Naruto sighed exasperatedly.

"Yes…forgive me, little brother."

This was too much. "No. I don't want to forgive you. I want to kill you."

"Now, now Sasuke," Kakashi chided. "It's not nice to want to kill your brother."

"THAT'S IT!" Sasuke turned, took Sakura's hand and they walked out the door. "I'm leaving. Come on, Sakura-chan. And in case you didn't notice, you're not an Uchiha anymore. And that's final!"

Itachi looked at Kakashi and Naruto, then called out to Sasuke. "Good luck repopulating our clan, foolish little brother!"

Sasuke went back to the door. "NO. _MY CLAN_. Not yours, not anybody else's. _Only mine_. And yeah, we're already getting a headstart on it!"

Itachi turned to his companions and raised his hands. "Jeez, that guy's gonna give me a heart attack when I see mini Sasukes running around! I'm gonna get started on my clan."

"You have another clan? What are you gonna name it?" Naruto asked curiously.

"I don't know yet, but our special technique will be...Murasakiiro no Sutairu : Murasakiiro no Manikyua!"

"You're naming your clan's specialty after nailpolish. What a disgrace." Naruto shook his head.

* * *

Okay! haha. R&R!


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